This has been such a journey……...and I am so grateful for all of it. I'm grateful for not only the highs but all of the lows, the worry that made me investigate and learn more about my birth options, the doubt that pushed me to be unapologetically me and use all of my positivity tools and techniques and of course my unwavering faith in love.
My previous experience of birth was pretty bad. I don't mean 'bad' as in awch this is bloody painful 'bad' (yes it was painful, but……) I mean emotionally, it was a trauma which I swept away under a changing mat. I thought…..'its ok because I'm alive and my baby is alive and that is ALL that matters'. But I've since learnt that we are ALL worth that and more. We should all walk away from birth alive. I know not everyone does but we should, and what we should be grateful for is feeling that we can cherish, love and enjoy thinking about the birth of our child.
This birth story is so different it is one of hope, belief and empowerment…….its my dream birth story and its actually nothing like what I had dreamed it would be. Infact how I feel about Pearls birth is so far away from Rens. I genuinely love thinking about Pearls birth! I love the whole story, the build up, the drama and the calm…..just totally surreal. I feel like every aspect of me came forth during the journey of the birth………… My hippy side, my positive vibes, my inner lioness, my mummy mojo (doing it my way) and even my inner child as I searched for reassurance during that 'ahhhh I cant do this' stage of birth.
To allow my mind and body to embrace birth again I needed to face upto what had happened in my sons birth. To do this I had some Hypno Birth Trauma Therapy* which was amazing. It allowed me to think and talk about the experience without crumpling into tears. I also met with my local NHS Trusts Consultant Midwife who was so supportive, honest and kind in his exploration of my case and how best to move forward with this new birth.
I felt like I just couldn’t go to hospital again…..I just didn’t trust that I would be looked after in the way that I wanted and needed. After chatting to The Consultant Midwife and the local Home Birth Team I opted for Home birth. I had to sign lots of papers saying I understood the risks as I was having a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After C-section which can pose a risk of the scar rupturing). It was THE BEST DECISION that I made and here is why…..
Up until this point Id seen different midwifes at my appointments not building a relationship with anyone. Switching to home birth meant that I got to see the same lovely midwife in my home for all of my appointments. For me this was amazing and the relationship and trust built really came into its own during the post partum period where I was able to text my amazing midwife with any worries that I had during that sensitive time.
There I was at my home birth with dedicated midwife team, surrounded by all my creature comforts, positive vibes and no inhibitions. Oh and sipping a mocktail in the birth pool…….After calmly breathing through another contraction I lifted up my eye mask and opened my eyes. Stars popped in my vision as the glare of the bright hospital lights stung my eyes . My home birth plan had been blown out of the birth pool water when I went for a growth scan at 41+3 days and it was found that I had excess fluid in my uterus. The decision was made to move from a planned home birth to an ASAP hospital birth (as there were quite a few risk factors). But I was determined that this time round it was going to be different.
After my meeting with the fantastic Consultant Midwife I raced home (having extremely mild contractions after the sweep I was given) t sort every