Love not Control
If you find yourself constantly saying 'no' or 'telling off' then you are probably feeling a little drained and stressed by all the negativity.
Teaching your baby/toddler/child through love and not through control is not only possible but it's a total pleasure.
So what is 'love not control' all about?
It's nothing unique, nothing that I have invented.....it's just calm, natural and nurturing parenting. Infact strike that, it's not just 'parenting' it's a way of life.....if you start to change your mindset, calm down and relax you will start to see & feel the benefits in all areas of your life;
♡ Relationships....family, friends, colleagues, peers......new acquaintances etc
♡ Love for yourself.......feeling more relaxed, positive and incontrol has far teaching health benefits
♡ Energy levels - your energy levels will probably feel greater as you are of a more positive and calm mind set.
♡ Empowerment - you are not trying to control anyone or anything you are simply teaching and guiding. This means that you are not left with the black and white achievement or fail feelings that 'control' can leave you with. For example if you are unable to control something you may feel like to have 'failed' which leads to negative feelings etc. If you are using Love as your basis and simply guiding and teaching then you will feel empowered by the positivity that loving communications bring and the enjoyment from teaching something over a period of time.
Within the Little Lotus Baby courses and workshops I really emphasise the importance of relaxation. If you are getting stressed and feeling frustrated chances are this is vibrating to those around you. Your loved ones, colleagues and friends maybe absorbing these emotions and as a result start to feel them as well. A negative cycle of feelings and interactions can then ensue.
If you notice these feelings creeping in it's best to:
Pause and do some relaxation breathing
Remove yourself (if possible from the physical place you are in....if you are with your baby take them outside for some fresh air or move to a different room etc)
Be mindful of your voice....the tone and speed of your speech as well as the words that you are using. Slow talking in a low tone emits a feeling of calmness and safety. Rushed, loud or high pitched tones can create the feeling of fear, anxiety and that the person talking is out of control.
Find your inner silly.....pop on your 'go to' happy song and dance around with your baby/tot/child....it WILL bring you back to love.
Once you are balanced emotionally & in a positive mind space then you are much better equipped to teach and lead others (I.e your family).
Babies, toddlers & children are naturally inquisitive......this is how they learn. They are programmed to want to touch, taste, climb, try....have a go at pretty much ANYTHING. No matter how annoying it may seem or how dangerous it maybe, try and remember that your little one is wired to do this. Most of a child’s response to a situation under the age of 2 will be controlled by the reptilian or mammalian (emotional) brain. Basically this means that impulse is navigating their movements.
Here is a little scenario example...... you're trying to sweep the floor and your toddler comes over and starts trying to wrestle you for the broom. Instead of trying to 'control' by fly swatting them away or getting cross with their relentless attempts to get involved swich to Love.....
Give them your time get down to their level and explain & show them what you are doing. Offer them a little go.
Empower them.....If this is something they are really interested in maybe they could have their own little broom/dustpan & brush...they could decorate it with stickers to make it theirs.
Remember....they love you and are interested in the things that you do. They want to learn from you and copy you. This is your child trying to better themselves trying to explore a new activity, a new way to move their body etc....
Language - try and use positive language being mindful of your speed and tone.
You may say that you don't have time to faff around with all this....but it actually is quicker & nicer than having to deal with an upset little person! So just think....
When you are guiding/teaching your baby/toddler/child it is always best to use positive words where possible. Here is a list you may like to explore using;
*see table in picture at bottom of this article.
Another trick is to use clear and short instructions. Rather than telling them what you don't want them to do try and tell them what you DO want them to do. This way you are focussing them on what you want, on the positive rather than telling them what you don't want and letting them figure out what you do want.
Closed options are a winner with lots of children. This is because you are empowering them yet at the same time working together to create a plan of action that will mean you achieve your goal.
And lastly.....remember to ask yourself...
Do they want attention? Have you had some quality 1:1 time exploring together?
Are they hungry or thirsty?
Are they tired?
Are they feeling under the weather?
Are they used to a routine that has changed?
Are you in a new situation/place?....they may need extra love and encouragement to feel safe.
If you want to know more about this please do get in touch! Similarly if you do try this please give it time! I have had such wonderful and positive feedback from parents but they have all said that they had to give it time for both themselves and their child to get used to this.